Ep. 58-Dana Cavalea: Habits Of A Champion

Coach Dana Cavalea is a highly-sought-after High Performance Coach. He spent the majority of his career as the Director of Performance for the New York Yankees. In 2009, he led the team to a World Series Championship. That year, he was voted by his peers as the top Strength Coach in Major League Baseball, receiving the Nolan Ryan Award. Currently, in addition to working with high-level athletes, coaches, CEOs, and executives, he is an International speaker and consultant helping corporate workforces, sports teams, universities, and other organizations to optimize their overall performance through his 5-Drivers of Performance Framework. 

In his first published book, Coach Dana Cavalea shares 15 lessons about what it takes to become a champion. He shares stories and insights from some of the world's top performers in sports, life, and business.

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Transcript

Announcer: 0:00

This is the you winning life podcast, your number one source for mastering a positive existence. Each episode we'll be interviewing exceptional people, giving you empowering insights and guiding you to extraordinary outcomes. Learn from specialists in the worlds of integrative and natural wellness, spirituality, psychology, and entrepreneurship. So you too can be winning life. Now here's your host, licensed marriage and family therapist, certified neuro emotional technique practitioner and certified entrepreneur coach Jason Watts,

Jason Wasser, LMFT: 0:36

Sir. So welcome back everybody. Today's guest is Coach Dana Cavalea. He is the former director of strength and conditioning and performance for the New York Yankees. He helped lead the team to the world championship in 2009. And that senior year he was awarded the Nolan Ryan award, which was given to the top strength and performance coach and major league baseball. He's also now the author of an incredible book called habits of a champion. Nobody becomes a champion by accident. In addition to his on-field coaching, he also works with athletes, um, consultants, to companies, organizations, some of America's top CEOs, executives, wall street, fund managers, and traders, and helps them to optimize their performance, productivity and sales. Thank you so much for spending some time with us today. Cool. Thanks for having me, Jason. So my pleasure. So first of all, right off the bat, like I always love the backstory because we know like, especially when it comes to the world of athletic performance, there's always some really interesting story, how someone got discovered, how someone found out that they were passionate about what they're doing, why they pick that sport. And so I'm really curious for you. How did all of this get started, that you went into the athletic training side and knowing whether right now I'm assuming that there was some level of being an athlete in your life, but knowing that you want it to be on the service side of everything? Well, listen, I was, I'm an underperforming player. That's how we become coaches.

Dana Cavalea: 2:07

No, but in all seriousness, I, I, you know, in my journey I was wanting to be a ballplayer myself. I grew up in New York, grew up on long Island, about an hour and change outside of Yankee stadium. And one of my greatest joys as a kid was going with my father to Yankee stadium. And, you know, my parents were both teachers. So when I went to the stadium, you know, we would park like five miles away because it was cheaper. And then we'd go sit at the top of the stadium and watch the planes go by and a ballgame. So we used the name tail numbers, and we'd also get to watch the ball game. At the same time we were sitting so high. So, you know, I very quickly love the energy of Yankee stadium. I always loved playing the game because it was baseballs and underdogs game. You're going to fail so much more than you're going to succeed and you still have to maintain yourself, maintain your composure And, and really show up and not batter yourself, um, because of those failures. So baseball teaches you that if you're going to succeed, you're also going to have to fail. And I loved all of these aspects of the game, but there's one thing I really loved about the game and that was practice. And I loved the training. And at times I would like the practice and the training more so than the game, especially when I was struggling at the game. So anyway, I fell in love with the game at a young age. And one of my dreams was to figure out how to get on that field with the New York Yankees. And when I decided to go to college, I did a year at a school Queens college in New York, just outside of the city. And I hated it. I hated being there. I enjoyed being a part of the baseball team, but I ated everything else. I, wasn't a definitely not a city guy. Um, I liked going, but I loved going back out to the suburbs. So I ended up telling my mom, my dad, I gotta get outta here. And I decided to go to the university of South Florida in Tampa, where there's Palm trees, there's pools on campus. And at the same time in the beach and the beach, and there's some great athletes down here and where I grew up, you never saw a pro athlete. I mean, we were idolizing pro athletes from like 30 years ago. That just happened to be from, you know, long Island where I was from. So I went to the U S USF. I started interning with the football team at the university of South Florida, and wasn't a football guy at all, but I cut my teeth in my profession of strength and conditioning and athletic and really personal development at the university of South Florida. I made that choice, beautiful campus, very sports oriented school up and coming amazing facilities. And the New York Yankees were about five miles away from my university. So when they came to town, I knew that I would be heading up to that field to watch them play. And that's really, I would say that's where my journey started. It started by one February day, heading up to watch the team practice. And here I am, just a 19 year old kid with a flip phone camera phone, uh, holding it up to a chain link fence and taking pictures to players like Derek Jeter and Mariano Rivera and Roger Clemens. And I thought it was the coolest thing in the world. I was sending them home and my day got even cooler because I went back to my internship at USF and the head strength coach said to me, Hey, Dana, can I talk to you? I gotta talk to my office for a minute. And I said, Oh man, that's not good news. I've been called into many principals offices in my life and that's not good news, but this time it was. And he said, Hey, I just got a call from the strength coach of the Yankees. And he's looking for a guy to hand out, towels, hand out waters and watch the weight room while he's on the field. Would you have any interest in that? And I said, absolutely. When do I start? I just got back from there. And he's like, well, you start tomorrow. And I all right, I'm going. And then literally the next day I drove my beat up hoop de Mazda, 99 up to the stadium. I parked up front that time because the day before, again, I was following in my dad's footsteps and parking two miles away for cheap to free parking. I'm walking in the main office and a lady says, Hey, are you Dana Cavalea? I said, yeah, that's me. So she throws a lanyard around my neck with a credential secret clubhouse F for field access, walks me into the training room, throws me in Yankee gear. Next thing you know, they walk me out on that field that I was taking pictures of a day earlier. So it was amazing how one day you're on one side of the fence and the next day you're on the other side. Crazy, crazy story. And what year, what year was that? That was in 2002. Okay. Okay. So what stands out to me most about that, that story is that it wasn't, that I am not getting the job of actually training them. I'm not actually going to be, but it's like, what? What's that entry level that you said yes to was there for foresight that you had like, okay, if I start here, I know I can have that, that wedge into the community that I want to be on. Yeah. I mean, that's like my whole mentality in life, even today. Like I'm a total junkyard dog. I'm a bottom feeder. I'll go to the bottom and climb all the way up. And you know, I don't mind, you know, be in that way. I always say one of my lines is I'm a man of the people, you know, I work with CEOs and billionaires and team owners. And I work with some people that are just starting out in the, in the business world or the athletics world. And I, I work the whole spectrum and because I'm a person that's worked the whole spectrum virtually, so I love it. You know? And, um, when you think you're too good for the hand to hand combat street fight, you, you beat yourself. So, you know, there's a lot of, I call them elitists out there that say, well, I already did that. I shouldn't be having to do that now. And, um, you gotta do it and don't be afraid. And don't, don't believe Derek Jeter told me this don't believe your own headlines. So we create a lot of headlines in our own head. That's why they call them headlines, I think. But, um, if you start to believe them, you can get in big trouble. So I always play from behind, you know, and I always tell people to even like financially, I'll clean out my accounts and move the money over. So it looks like I have nothing and that keeps me hungry. Not that I don't have it, but I move it away. So I don't see it. It's not in my primary operating account. So I love that street fight and that Daugird mentality. So at that timeframe, right, you're, you're in college. What were some of the headlines that you were telling yourself that you had to get out of your own way about? Because here you are right now, all these people that you idolize that were your role models, athletic,

Jason Wasser, LMFT: 8:56

Right. Amendment, you know, people that you looked up to where there are some stumbling blocks still in your own head that you had about like, how am I going to talk to them? How am I going to coach them? How am I going to work with them? Was there anything like that going on for you?

Dana Cavalea: 9:07

I still have those today. Right? It's always like, man, I've gotta talk to so-and-so on the phone. I've never, I mean, am I ready for this? And I just say, well, I'll do it anyway. I'm, I'm really big on jumping out of the plane and hoping that the shoot works. So my whole life has been sort of this repetitive pattern. And I'm like, you know, instead of playing defense against that pattern, I always walk into it. And I just say, listen for me, I mean, I've tried to correct these patterns in my life. And I realized that in my attempt to correct them, I oftentimes lose pieces of myself that I like. So I don't try to correct anymore. I actually embrace and walk towards and I bring all my shit with me. And I say, here we go. You like, here I am. And here we are. And here's all my experiences, good, bad, ugly. And I wear it all on my sleeve and you know, love me or hate me. That's, that's what you're getting. And, uh, and it's worked well because it allows you to be, so I'm not inhibited, I'm not intimidated and I'm extremely open and there's no topic that's off limits.

Jason Wasser, LMFT: 10:13

So can you identify like throughout the people that you've been working with, cause we're gonna flash forward a little bit now that you're doing a lot of coaching and personal development with people which you've always been doing, but now more specifically in the business arena, is there a certain personality, predisposition or certain belief predispositions that you see that right off the bat, you're like, okay, this is going to be an easier person to work with versus a more challenging person to work with based on what they're playing in their head or the story that they're telling you.

Dana Cavalea: 10:41

Absolutely. Well, they use it for me. What I find as a common thread is that most people don't want to look bad. So they spend a lot, anybody that's like, Hey, I'm worried about the externals. What other people think they don't want to look bad? They usually come in to me, they have either high stress, high enzyme it, or they're dealing with, you know, Hey, I got this extra 30 pounds. So those were the easy, easiest ones for me. The harder ones are the ones that come in tough. And like they have no problems or they have nothing going on and they're sort of just, you know, doing great. And I'm saying, well then why are we working together? Uh, so I always know that there's a little bit something. So, um, I have my chisel out and sometimes I'm always just chiseling away, but we, and then we ended up getting to something. And a lot of times, you know, the, some of the people I work with, they don't have the, they don't have the trust upfront, but that's where again, I use a lot of my baggage and tools to create immediate trust. So I look at myself as, Hey, there's not a room that I'm, that I can can't survive in because I'm myself and I'm not there to please everybody, really anybody I'm just there to be. And the room sort of when you are who you are, you know how to But the room adapts to you and you don't have to adapt to the room.

Jason Wasser, LMFT: 11:58

So would you say that's kind of the underpinning biggest challenge of persons trying to figure out their self authenticity, who they really truly are when they shake off all of the stories that they've been carrying, whether it's trauma, whether it's family dynamics, spiritual stuff, whatever it may be, but to unpackage all of that stuff to get to truly who they authentically are, is probably the, the, the end result that work that, that you and I are really are trying to get to. I think that's where somebody reaches sort of peak for themselves. And they could finally say, man, like I'm comfortable. I'm comfortable in, in myself. I can't tell you how many leaders I'm dealing with right now. Like, you know, we're recording this during, you know, a pretty hostile time and there's leaders that are saying, Hey, I'm being forced to make statements on something I don't believe in.

Dana Cavalea: 12:48

And I said, well, if you're going to do that, your journey is not going to get easier. It's only gonna get harder. So you gotta walk towards who you are, what you believe in and you gotta own it. And when you could sort of, um, you know, make the crowd go dark and not worry what they think, listen, people are gonna love you and people are gonna hate you. No matter what, you could have the perfect lines I've seen Derek Jeter who's, you know, loved by all. I've, I've seen people turn on him. You know, he's always said the right thing. He's always done the right thing. We've seen that all the time in our culture. So at the end of the day, why are we so worried about pleasing other people and why are we comparing ourselves to other people too? So what's interesting because that metaphor of like the Fairweather fan, right.

Jason Wasser, LMFT: 13:32

We're going to be on the bandwagon when they're gray and we're going to give them crap when they're not. Um, which is not just the New York Mets fans, by the way. That's what it's. Yeah. Um, it's funny. Cause I grew up in South Florida and we didn't have, we didn't have the Marlin's growing up. So I actually grew up and I was born in Scranton, Pennsylvania. I actually ended up like, I was a hardcore, hardcore Harker Yankees fan growing up. Um, and it's funny, my, uh, for my bar mitzvah, my theme was actually baseball and right at the spring training used to be here in Fort Lauderdale, back in the day. And all I wanted was a picture with Don Mattingly. You know, I could have her, I don't know if you ever saw like the signing boards right. At like, you know, like mine's like grabbing my little Yankees, you know, outfit, but like, and then we have tomorrow ends and I'm like, Oh, okay. I guess now I'm a Marlins fan. Right. But, um, but I wonder like that mentality of like the fair weather fan that's fickle when things are good and it's in my favor and it makes me feel good. I'm on your side. We're now seeing exponentially in society. Like if you strike out once you're the worst player ever, right. Is what's happening on a macro societal level right now. Right. And I canceled the cancel culture or whatever it may be. I think that's been like a theme that's been running in sports forever and athletics forever. And again, what you see is the ones that's

Speaker 3: 14:52

Like, you know, moving away from like the fan side, but going to the player side, it's like the player that owns who he is, is the one that, you know, again, when you see a player that's been in the game for 10 plus years, do you see a common thread? They are not looking for your approval. They are fully convicted. They know what they're doing. They know who they are. They're actually the easiest guys to coach people. Tell me all the time, man. It must've been really hard, you know, with all those egos and all those guys that make hundreds of millions of dollars. I said, no, they were the best. It was the players that hadn't made it yet that are still trying to figure out who am I? What do I do? Am I doing this right? Those were the hard players because they would come in as one person on Monday as Jekyll and Hyde on the next day. And they flipped back and forth and they go on a streak as one person and then turn into somebody else. And it was this constant sort of, you know, transformation in and out of the cocoon. And I'm like, that's a hard player to work with. And I see the same thing in business too, by the way, be the elite performers. The top 1% that I work with is very different than sort of the bottom 50%. So how did that transition happen? Right? You were working with it with, with elite performers and then getting into the business world. What was that pivot for you? How did you come about and what were some of the, the, the easy advantages that you had and what were some of the challenges you had moving into that world? We easiest advantage I have is I worked with, with the top performing talent in the world, right. That, that had to perform in order to monetize. If the player doesn't perform, I mean, a player stat line is posted right in front of them. Every game it's posted on the television screen for everyone that's watching. So the difference I found between sports and business is that in sports, I mean, it's real and it's right in front of you every single day. There's, um, you know, less, uh, it's just, it's just always in front of you. So this are the players. We train them to not really focus on that, but always to get back to their core, but in business when I found this, um, there's sort of this, it's like up to'em you got a lot of in business. You could pretty much do whatever you want before you, you know, you could hide a lot. That's what I'm, that's what I'm looking to say in business, you can hide where it's sports, you can't. So I found it very easy, but I, how I cut my teeth in the business world was, you know, at Yankee stadium or any professional ballpark, there's always these like stanchions that would block off VIP, like guests and batting practice. So there'd be the, the shell where guys would be hitting. And then there'd be these stanchions where you can hide behind or stand behind, excuse me, um, the times you want to hide behind them. But, uh, so there'd always be these VIP days in the business world that would be there with their families. So I realized that, Hey, I get to watch these guys that are hitting I'm with them all day. I'm flying around the country with them. I'm sitting with them on the plane. Why do I need to watch them? So let me go BS with these people that are behind here. And I really found it entertaining. And then like, you know, if I had a ball, I've flipped once at a little kid and I'd start chatting and I'm a social guy. So one day I meet a guy that says, um, Hey, uh, do you train rich Jewish guys? And I said, well, it depends how much you're paying. And, and he says, well, I'd be very interested in getting trained. You know? So I started, he was my first client. He ends up owning a professional sports team himself. He's a multibillionaire and, and we kicked off like literally just like that. And, um, and we've remained the best of friends and we still, we still work together today, but that's that's, that was actually my first step into it. And then I opened a bunch of training facilities in the New York Metro area. So we used to have, you know, uh, basically a VIP of, you know, less coming in of, uh, you know, New York sort of business elites. And they all wanted to, our tagline was train like a pro. They all wanted to train like a pro and experience what that was like. So that's how I, that's how I started

Jason Wasser, LMFT: 18:58

Interesting. Cause like, in those, in those moments, just to sit and like schmooze with them, right. And then the very New York way. Did you know that it was going to become that next big, massive phase in your life, in that moment? Or were you already kind of like, okay, I know where I'm going ahead of, I know where I'm going to, like, what, you know, was there that foreshadowing of like, I know this will eventually transitioned into something else or I always want to stay with the baseball team. Was there an for you that you are planning?

Speaker 3: 19:24

Yeah. It's interesting question. I always love, like, I love development and I love coaching. So for me it was less about sort of, you know, is it in baseball? Is it in business? Like I, even now I go in between sports and business all day long. And I like that because you're taking lessons from both and, you know, almost cross pollinating between both. So when I go in and work with a company and or I go in and work with a CEO is a very different language than they're used to. Like, I, I get, I can get aggressive with them and they're not used to that because nobody tells CEOs what to do their own people lie to them all day. And for me, I always say, listen, when you're working with a, with a high level high performing alpha athlete, it's like wrestling an alligator and you can't be afraid to jump in there and wrestle that thing. So it's the same with these CEOs and, and ultimately, um, you know, I've always been, I've always enjoyed it, but to know like, Hey, I, um, um, you know, this is going to lead to what I do in the future. No, I didn't, I didn't fully know that, but I always knew that developing development and coaching would be a part of my future. And I see it being there for quite a long time. That's awesome.

Jason Wasser, LMFT: 20:38

So let's get into some nitty gritty tactics, right? The name of your book is habits of a champion. No one becomes a champion by accident. So right off the bat, what's the number one thing that is like your most common, you got to get this clean in your life or the people you work with. Like what would be the top thing that you say, like everybody has to clean up on their side of the street?

Speaker 3: 21:01

Yeah. I find a common thread again is, um, you know, there's one of the chapters in my book is never get too high and never get too low. And I find that like, when things are going well, and when people are feeling amazing and when things go low, they get really down. So what I try to teach them is working what I call your midline, working and coming from a position all of all time at all times from a position of neutrality. So when things go well, listen, you're expecting them to go well. And when things go poorly, well, you're expecting that as well because success and failure travel together. So there shouldn't be any surprises, you know, in every business it's cyclical in life. It's cyclical. People come, people go, business comes, business goes. So you got to know the rules of the game in which you play. So you got to know the rules of the life and you gotta know the rules of business, and you have to know the, the rules of sport. And when you know the rules of the game, you're less apt to fly up and fly down, fly up and fly down. So when we ride the midline, it's not saying numb yourself, or, you know, work from a position of, you know, where nothing excites you. And you know, you don't get pissed over anything. It's just getting you to understand a full perspective of what's going on in the world, around you, and that you are in control of that.

Jason Wasser, LMFT: 22:23

And how applicable right now, as you're watching and continuing to work with athletes and the people you're coaching, how, how can we pivot and accept that right now, when resources around us might not be as accessible, where safety on multiple levels for multiple people is a threat. How, how do we best internalize that and then play with that and apply it?

Speaker 3: 22:48

Yeah. So, so one of my other, you know, sayings is you got to play offense at all times. So I don't believe getting in, getting into a defensive posture helps you, right? So the way I always see things, I always look at things in lines. There's a line from where I am to where I want to go. There's a line from where we are me and my team and where we want to go. Right? So anything that takes us off that line is, is an issue. So I talk a lot about, even in times of opposition, what is the opportunity that we see? And as a leader, as a, as a part of being a part of a team, it's your job. I've always found to reinforce what our opportunity is, what it is we're moving towards and doing your best to not let the outside influence that directionality. So if I'm committed to going there, these things that are going on us, there's things that are happening. But honestly, like we've committed as a group to go here. I've committed as the leader of this group to bring you lead you and work with you

Jason Wasser, LMFT: 23:58

To get here,

Speaker 3: 24:00

You have a problem. I'm not worried about these people. If you, as a part of my team, have a problem, we will handle that problem together. But all of us collectively are going here. And that is what we have to remember. And that is really, really important. Or else as a unit will be pushed over here. And then this headline comes out and we're over here. And then this happens and we're over here

Jason Wasser, LMFT: 24:26

And then COVID happens and we're here. And then something comes and what are we doing? We're not going there. And by going there together, collectively as a group, we went

Speaker 3: 24:38

Because that's what we as a group have decided on is where we're going. And that's the way I, that's the way I look at it in sports and business. And I don't ever change based on what's happening or what I'm told to think or what's being pushed upon because I've decided with myself, my group, my team, and as our little family,

Jason Wasser, LMFT: 25:00

I believe that this is where we're going. I remember sitting like the first three weeks of the isolation and the shutdowns and a few of my friends. Like I pulled everything out of my stock market accounts. And I pulled out my Bitcoin and I'm like, Oh my God, every, like you said, everything is cyclical and everything will rally and everything will return back to normal. It might be six months. It might be a year. It might be two years. It might be four years, but we know that it's never been longer than three to four years. Right. And if they're putting that money in their account and they're not living on it, then they have the time to be patient with it as well. So I see, like right, the room you see, like when toilet paper went off the shelf and what was the next thing that was banana bread. Right. All the ingredients for banana bread, the shelf. Right. I don't know if that, that was where it was on your, I didn't hear that, but I'll take your word for it. And then in New York, all my friends were doing sourdough bread. That's the new thing in New York. Now, all this stuff. Right? So like, it's like became like this. Like I have to get these things before it disappears from my depression. It's like depression, living, it's depression, living over the lack that none of us really have lack and this presence, um, we just have to learn how to, like, I'm learning from this paradigm of like, Holy crap. Like we were talking before, like my, my, my lease is up at the end of the month. Have I really been wasting X amount of dollars a month on having an office?

Speaker 3: 26:21

It's interesting that you're saying that because the first week that things sort of went on lockdown, what all a lot of my CEOs did was we brought everything internal and we said, okay, first question, where are we running fat? And you'll be amazed. I'm amazed at how much money collectively they've sort of freed up. And they were wasting blatantly wasting it on subscriptions. They've had for 10 years that they haven't used in five, you know, um, employees, honestly. And, and, and listen part of again, remember I said, the rules of business, part of it is to realize that as a leader where you're running fan, who's helping us win, and who's not who do we need and who don't we need. So that's just a part of the process of, so I think what this did was it dialed people in and back to the fundamentals, right? In order to make a great play in the infield, you have to be able to feel the ground ball. So we just started taking ground balls again, that's it. We started hitting off the tee. Again,

Jason Wasser, LMFT: 27:22

I had a conversation with one of my clients and he's like, I feel really bad for small businesses. And, um, and my first question was as a small business owner. Why? Because if they didn't right, if they went into number one, uh, should they have been in business in the first place by themselves is question number one, write the number, do it, do we need another pizza place to open up across the street from all the other pizza places? Just because they think they have a better pizza, right? There's a lot of assumptions that were really are just from a business. Forget that God forbid I don't want anybody to struggle and not have food and out of healthcare and their emotions, right. To, to, to go off the deep end, especially as a therapist. But, but it is in a way discerning the difference between someone who should be doing something as a career versus that this was a hobby that they tried to make it.

Speaker 3: 28:08

Yeah. So, so I I'm with you a hundred percent on that. And you know, serving a lot of business owners around the country, this, I told them, you hate your PR. You hate your job anyway, it's because it's not a business. It's a job. It's hell for you. So this is a good time for you to actually deploy that exit strategy that you have so badly wanted to deploy for years, but you just didn't know when well now, when is here, get out and start asking yourself the question, what do I really want to do with my life? And it certainly isn't what I'm doing now. That's what I found is a very common thread. And, you know, people need an event oftentimes to change their life. Most fat guys need a heart attack before they go to the gym and actually do something, you know? So, you know, it's, it's just one of those things it's so that I don't, I look at this as you get to make this time, what you want to make it, which goes back to again, where, where are we going? I mean, I can give you countless strategies or examples of people that are in the best shape of their life. Right now they've lost 20, 30 pounds over the past, you know, 10, 12 weeks because they stopped lying to themselves and they got to work and, and other people decided that they weren't going to do that. And they gained those 20 to 30. So you life is just as it's based on choices, it's based on habits, it's based on routines. And it's based on the standards in which you hold yourself to.

Jason Wasser, LMFT: 29:44

Well, I think it also has to do with that money mindset, right? How people say that money doesn't change. You really? It just amplifies what was organically there. And I think the other side for a crisis, right? We'll tell you, like, I, I know that I'm like genetically predisposed to anxiety in 99% of my day. I'm fine because I'm continuing to be of service. Right. And I know that the only thing that's truly really been affected is my sleep schedule. I know that as long as there's a, there's an old phrase, safe and service. So I know as long as I'm safe, I'm being safe from my side, right. I'm out in public and amount in my office, but I'm, as long as I'm serving, I know that I'm able to do what I need to do and live in my purpose and my potential on a consistent basis. And how can I do that more? And I think now that the internet, as where I'm giving class three to four classes a week right now, majority of the people, I would say 50% are in South Florida. And I have people as far away as Brazil coming to my workshops and my classes on a consistent weekly basis that I wouldn't necessarily have thought to pivot to also do the class, not just in this small group here, but also put it online and that's becoming a community for people. So

Speaker 3: 30:49

Which in turn will probably, you know, combat even more anxiousness.

Jason Wasser, LMFT: 30:54

Right? So, so the, and then having a community for people who are already feeling disconnected and being part of a person who helped create a community is a really powerful, powerful thing. And I think right, going back to athletics and going back to business arc their communities and their communities. So people that are like minded that are working towards goals, there is usually leaders, hopefully, hopefully those leaders are uplifting and not, you know, it's not the days of George Steinbrenner anymore. Right. And, and, and we're still hoping for as continued change evolves and, and, you know, in the different sporting leagues with whatever's going on. And however, that's going to be resolved accordingly and appropriately for the, hopefully as a good for all, um, in everybody's mind. Um, but I know like one of the things that you you talk about is like some of the myths, some of the BS that's out there in the coaching slash self development world. So I know we only have a few minutes left, but I'm really curious to hear what those things are that you've come across. And that you've learned that you're also trying to debunk.

Speaker 3: 31:58

Yeah, well, I, you know, again, I started off saying that old junk yard dog mentality, and I always say like, I, I have a total chip on my shoulder. I have a total attitude problem, especially as it relates to personal development. And there's nothing that pisses me off more in personal development. Then when I see people that are trying to help other people bullshitting other people and putting them on these ridiculous, you know, morning routines and schedules that are like, you, you can't, if you're going to do some of those things, you can't work. You can't have a job because you can't have a nine hour morning routine. Like you can't do it. And I see just these gurus and guru land pumping people filled with all of this crap. And actually that's the reason why I wrote my book habits of a champion because people say, Hey, did you ever intend on writing a book? I said, no, but I would read books on coaching, personal development leadership. And I'd say, wait, I work with some of the greatest leaders in the world, some of the highest performing people in the world, you don't do any of this shit. What, where are they coming from with this stuff? And what I realized is they were coming from the place in position of I'm going to sell my next product by sort of, you know, you know, just getting people warmed up to these concepts. So it was a straight up marketing play more so than it was a personal development plan. It was a funnel into their other services, having value that they brought to the world. Totally. So I go out everything the other way. I look at everything that's out there as a tool now, who are you? Oh, you're Jason. Jason, tell me about yourself because I want to know what I want to help you with which you need. So I don't blanket statement. I don't generalize. I don't say everyone's got to meditate this way at this time. I don't do that. I've never coached that way. Coaching is an individualized process. Individuals make up teams and you must treat every person as an individual because every person is unique. Are there similarities? Are there common threads? 100%, but that doesn't mean you give every person the same prescription. It does not mean that. And that's what sort of prompted me to write the book. I said, I got to fill this gap with real practical stuff that gives people, you know, truth. And that's, that's, again, it goes back to, you know, listen, I may, may not make it as far as the gurus, but I don't care because I'm always going to be known as the guy that you go to when you want to be shot straight. And I'm blessed that I had the opportunity to work at the level that I worked with, the people that I work with. And it's amazing how those at the top think, just like I'm explaining. And I had a it's so funny because I had a talk, I was talking with one of my clients. Again, the guy that I told you, I met at the stadium that day multibillionaires successful as can be family, men, beautiful person. And I said, Hey, Daniel, um, have you ever said five-year goals? And he goes, he goes, I'm lucky if I could set a five day goal. And I thought about that and I'm like, there's books on, on, like I had a client tell me that he's working on his 20 year goals. I said, you may not be alive in 20 years. I'm just speaking truth. Why would you waste your time? Why don't you just focus on making today a great successful day? And I know for myself, the only time I get anxious is when I'm too far out in the future. So I don't want to go that far. What if, what if, what on my vision for myself today for

Jason Wasser, LMFT: 35:38

20 years, it's too small. What if I don't even want to do that anymore? So as you will grow and change in life will be different, right? Humans,

Speaker 3: 35:46

We are not static. We're dynamic. So why don't we just keep embracing that

Jason Wasser, LMFT: 35:50

And nature? I remember when I was, it was a few summers ago and I was, so I've been a therapist since 2005, and I got involved in this incredible business community, um, by person named Rick Sapio, who is a Capitol denturist, uh, who created this business program. He's out in Dallas, it's called business finishing school. And, um, he created a, a beta coaching program and it was a handful of us that were invited to partake, partake in it. And so one of the things that we had to do is we had to come up with certain things about how we're going to go, and we're going to broadcast what we're doing differently than what we're already doing in our own world. And I said, well, my goal was to be on 20 podcasts in the next year. This was before it was even, I even had the audacity to Adam to have my own therapist in this back office, in Fort Lauderdale that like, you know, but that's like, but okay, I want to be on 20 podcasts. And the next year he goes, great. I'm giving you 60 days. So he went from like, right. He collapsed the time. If you can do that in 12 months, you can do it in 60 days. It's true. And I think that's where our mindset is. Exactly what you're saying is I'm once, I guess we do need to have longterm rhythms and rituals, because if you want to, if you're going to get into shape today and tomorrow in the next 90 days, you want to continue doing that for the next 10, 15, 20 years. That will hopefully give you the outcome of being alive in 20 years. Right. But also at the same time, what are you doing? Which I completely agree with you, are you putting in all of that today while also maintaining your financial stability and your family stability and your spiritual stability, all those things, how can that fit into the schedule today? Or do you need to reverse engineer that, which I really do appreciate. And I think that's like, what I want everybody to hear is that we may be so to speak forced into, in a different environment over the next number of months, but there's so many ways to take advantage of different ways of thinking and different ways of doing things.

Speaker 3: 37:39

And Jason, I want to share this with you. I mean, even for myself, right? I'm the coach. I coach people all day. I used this time to say, all right, I'm getting up at the same time every day, I'm going to sleep at the same time every day. I'm working out at this time every day.

Jason Wasser, LMFT: 37:54

And instead of doing my basic gym stuff, what I'm doing is I'm going to engage in this more high intensity training and bootcamp, which I need personally, just, I was bullshitting myself doing what I was doing prior to that was

Speaker 3: 38:06

One of the gym. And I was checking the boxes and I wasn't fat, but I said, now I want to take it to another level. And then I started this show called,

Jason Wasser, LMFT: 38:13

It'll be coming a champion show where I interview celebrities. I interview, uh, you know, from art to entertainment, you know, hedge fund, you know, leaders. And I said, I would not have done this if I wasn't forced to be home. And, and, and again, that was the sprint. So I'm a, I'm a big believer.

Speaker 3: 38:34

I'll tell you this on the reverse engineering as well,

Jason Wasser, LMFT: 38:36

But I don't reverse engineer 20 years, five years. I reverse engineer from the idea that I have today. And I say, what do I want to do now? What am I looking to do right now? And then reverse engineer. And it always takes you to an action step, right? I have this chart. I'll show it to you. This is my new thing. I love showing this, but I say you're either in one of two States, you're contemplating or you're in a state of action. The action is either positive or negative. And if it's negative, you're going to head back to contemplation. You're going to get frustrated. You're going to do more time and effort in contemplation. You're going to get frustrated. So I got to get you from contemplation to action to positive action. So you loop up here and I'm cracking up on this side. Cause literally my post this morning was about not being scripted, right? I don't want to be scripted. And that we're all speaking from a script. And it's our life experiences that have led us directly to the place we are now. However, each of us have been playing a very specific role and the more we become aware, we're aware of that, the better we will become about changing it. We have to unpackage and understand our past. We have to have, we have our family history of our culture. We have our religion, we have unhealed trauma, all informing us. Whether we realize it or not. This perspective leads us to respond in a specific way. That becomes our script. The more you commit to learning about yourself, personal growth and healing, the more your script can evolve. And what story are you willing to let go of? So you can start playing a greater role in your life, which is that dynamic that you're in play, where you're either stuck in that. And you're in contemplation. Wait, you're, you're, you're contemplating that, which you don't even know that you're contemplating or you're an action mode. Yeah. What if, what if they say this? What if they say that? What if they don't say either of those things? So just that's what I'm saying is like I'm telling people wherever you are right now, like go forward. And even if you get smacked right in the face, that's a part of the game. And if you were to profile any highly successful person, whatever you deem that success to be, that person will tell you the beatings they took on the way to get there. And that's just what it is. I mean, life is not going to treat you kindly all the time, but if the expectation is that you're going to be handled with these soft marshmallowy gloves, that reality has to be challenged as well. And I think that's the, what's, what's the moral of the story. What's the teachable moment. What's the growth moment. Right? And I think like when you're going back to like baseball, uh, at the beginning of our conversation and we'll end with this is that baseball is one of the few sports that I think were words you for getting a hit three out of 10 times. And if you get to hit three out of 10 times, right, you're going to be making millions of dollars. Yeah. And, and the, the, the people in the game that win are the ones that are focused on the three and not the seven they're focused on the three times they get a hit, not the seven times they get out. Right. And I think that's the logic that we need to look at things through, as opposed to, to you, our brain is four times as likely to focus on negative than we are as positive. Yeah, totally. Even our players. Right. We tell them nobody bats a thousand. So stop trying, don't try to bat a thousand. Is perfection the greatest ever have never done it? You will not be the first. Okay. So now that you know that, what do we do the goal is to have competitive at bats, only swing at the pitches that, you know, you could hit or take a good swing on. So you're literally taking your day and your life one at bat at a time, but more specifically one pitch at a time. And you can't be afraid to let a pitch go, but you better attack that fastball down the middle and hit it. You know what I'm saying? Love it. What an incredible way for us to have. So, so everybody out there, if you want to hear more from him, please check out becoming a champion, which is available on all major podcast platforms. And for sure, for sure, check out the book habits of a champion known becomes a champion by accident. So coached into cavalier. Thank you again so much for spending time with us. And I very much look forward to hearing continued success and, uh, down the road having you back on again. Yeah. Cool. Thanks Jason. Appreciate it, man.

Announcer: 43:03

Thanks for listening to the you winning life podcast. If you are ready to minimize your personal and professional struggles and maximize your potential, we would love it. If you subscribe so you don't miss an episode, you can follow us on Instagram and Facebook at Jason Wasser, L M F T.